During the first days and weeks after the split I just felt I was in a dream land dragging two little babies along with me, I didn’t know if I was doing the right thing or not, having my mother around was hard as well. Over that time the only thing that was an escape was talking to my now wife who I had been friends with for a while just talking as friends would just take my mind off how shit everything had gone.
I was under a microscope with the girls surprise social services visit at any time from 7am trying to save my house, I asked the land lady to come and meet me to see if I could stay at the house but I could not as they had sold it so on Christmas eve we would be homeless.
Overall, this time I never heard from the police again no follow ups nothing, oh apart from a text message sent me to ask if I wanted to sell my parrot. But where they failed I have to say that the social workers were doing their job they still scared me to death but they were doing all the checks they had to on the girls were asking if I needed support in any way and if I was ok with everything that had happened.
Even Tho she was court ordered not to contact me, I started to get texts abusive at first then after a few days she was sorry, I got texts from so called “family” asking how me and the girls were doing and did I want them to take the girls for a walk, would turn out my ex and her mom were offering the person money to get the girls. But in all the texts I was sent she didn’t ask how the twins were, I didn’t answer her up to this point but then my so called family member told me that my ex was pregnant again and because we had split up she was going to get rid of the baby, I didn’t think it was possible cos I could not remember the last time we had done it. But I had to make sure so the next time I got a text I replied. She told me how she thought the baby was a boy, that I could call Kobe if we were still together, if I allowed her to come back, she would change, later the same day when the drink kicked in the abuse started again.
I could not find anywhere to move us into so me and the girls went to stay in my mother’s one bedroom bungalow. Which was a nightmare, every time the girls would finally go to sleep her dog would start barking, Linda smoked weed none stop not around the girls but you could still smell it. I got a text from my ex’s cousin saying that I had to give the twins back or he was coming to my mother’s house to kick the door in and stab me. I went mad I couldn’t hit my ex but I could give him a hiding I was in the middle of texting him back when it dawned on me I don’t want to be the dad fighting in front of my children so I stopped, I think I would have beaten him to death the way I was feeling but it would only have ended up hurting the two people I was trying to protect.
My mother called the police to report it cos she was scared I was going to get stabbed; they came to speak to me and ended up having a go at me because I had replied to my exes’ texts. And that was the end of it thanks mate awesome job you are doing. While I was in the living room talking to him tammy had called over and was sat with Linda and all the kids, it was the first time that I thought me and the girls were going to be ok I went in to see them and Dakota was cuddled in to Tammy’s boobies sound asleep looking the happiest I had seen her.
Even after everything that had happened that December we ended up having a lovely Christmas I sat and opened the girls gifts with them and in the afternoon we went over to see tammy and we ended up staying up her mom and dads house for a few hours, they all made such a fuss over the twins it was lovely even Tammy’s dad was playing with them.
When the 30 days no contact was up, I got a text from my ex-father-in-law saying, “now it’s time to stand up and be a man.”
I could not believe it I’m protecting my daughters I’m trying to be the best man I can, it was hard because I had been close to him and his wife and they could not say enough nice things about me while I was the one in their daughters firing line now I was evil. As you can imagine I was taken to court because she wanted the twins back, I was reassured by the social worker that would not happen as they would make clear to the judge that if the girls did not stay with me, they would be taken into care.
The first court hearing I just felt like no one was hearing anything I was saying they all seemed to be backing her solicitor said that I was the one with the drugs problem and the twins were not safe around me, so the ordered drug tests for us both and drink test for her, the judge ordered that I had to get a bus a train then another bus, same again to get home to meet her halfway between Barnstaple and Dorset. 3 hours round trip with two 7-month-olds for a two-hour visit, she had to be supervised and was not allowed to be alone with the girls at any time.
I had to go and have my drug test done which made me feel like a right bum, I knew I hadn’t taken anything so I wasn’t worried but a week before the next court date I got a call from my solicitor asking why I had told them she was lying but I had failed my drugs test, I was shocked then she said I failed on minor traces of cannabis which the tester has said was low enough that it could be from second hand smoke. I asked her why are you talking to me like I’m a junkie? I worked on a building site where 80% of the workers smoked weed and there was an HMO next door which smelt like a weed factory. When it came to the day of the court case the judge told me that the results put me on a sticky wicket. My ex failed on high use of cocaine chronic excessive drinking, the judge said she needed to work on it. Honestly, I felt like everyone was against me. It didn’t seem to matter what she did, it was its ok you have an illness. I had to bow down to every demand she made, even my solicitor at this point was like oh yeah, it’s easier for you to just do what she says.
Every time something was ordered in court she didn’t like the following week I would get a court summons to fight over it again how she kept getting legal aid I don’t know but she did between February and the final court case in September we must have had 12 court hearings, one of them was because the twins had started calling tammy mommy, they heard Tammy’s children calling her it and she was the one with them all the time apart from when she was at work she was doing their moms roll, but I got took to court and ordered that they call tammy mommy tammy and my exe mommy, like really good use of legal aid.
My heart sank when the social worker told me that my ex had made great progress with her drinking she was going to AA meetings every week and they had worked out a plan for her to get over night visits, it sounds horrible to some people but I knew 100% that the twins were not safe in Dorset I really did. The social worker then informed me that my ex had a new boyfriend, someone I knew when I was younger and that he was going to be the one supervising the contact, don’t get me wrong I have nothing against him and I told her that he was always a nice bloke when I knew him but I also knew that he had his issues with drink and I knew what its like if you don’t do what she wants you to do and he would be under pressure to anything she wanted so the girls would not be safe, her dad stood up in court and said that there was no drink or drugs in his house and that she was clean and he was too long in the tooth to have the wool pulled over his eyes.
The week before the final hearing I was ordered to do the visitation hand over with her new boyfriend which I was happy to do because her dad was still supervising and the social worker was there, who come over to see me after the visit ended she said she could not believe the conversation she had just had with my ex, she was suggesting that contact should go from 2 hours to 6 hours but would stay in Tiverton and Barnstaple, when she proved she was clean for 12 months she could start to have over night contact and if her next test come back clean the 3 months that was being tested would count towards the 12 months.
The idea of her having contact in Dorset scared the hell out of me because I knew what the girls would be around down there, me and tammy were out having lunch while the twins were having contact with K when I got the call from the social worker saying that K had failed her drink and drug tests by chronic excessive drinking and high use of cocaine she said she was shocked as she had believed what k had said to her about being cleaning and if she was drinking that much and doing that much cocaine while under investigation by social services what is it going to be like when she’s not. She then called me back after she had spoken to K and explained the test results and what it was going to mean, K was still offered six hour visits but they would remain in devon to which she said that six hours was too long and that she wanted to sick to 2 hour visits.
I tried to point out that if K wanted overnight contact but could not handle the twins for six hours how were they going to be safe with her overnight.
At the court hearing it was ordered that the twins would live with me until K got clean which left me feeling that at any time no matter how settled the twins were even ten years’ time she could just come and take them, she would continue to have supervised visits twice a week but they had to remain in devon.
I did leave court thinking it was over for now and that the twins were going to be safe from now on, I would later be told that social services had closed the girl’s case the day after the court hearing as they knew the twins were now safe.
The first visit after the hearing I met K and her dad in Tiverton and the first thing they did was take the twins down to Taunton breaking the court order, but the solicitor said but did they bring the girls back ok ? yes ! Well don’t worry about it then. That seemed to be everyone’s attitude towards whatever she did even when she tried to fight my wife in a car park in front of the twins. Did she actually hit your wife? No, then don’t worry about it. She’s smoking while holding one of the babies, but did the baby take a drag? No then don’t worry. She is pissed up at contact, did the baby have any wine? No then don’t worry.
One of the main things that really got to me was K produced a letter from her AAA manager saying that she was attending all her meets and she was taking her sobriety seriously because she wants her children back and they believed her to be clean. Now this did hold a lot of water and my solicitor was worried by the letter, until the drink and drugs tests came back saying the same thing as the last two years.
There were loads of cases I was dragged through, but they all came out with the same thing just written in a different way. I was taken to court because I didn’t want to take the girls down to Tiverton because we were in lockdown and covid was at its peak so had to do a case by zoom and ordered to do contact any way.
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